From the Vault: Don't Cry For Me, Argentina (June 14, 2007)

disclaimer: the views expressed in this blog are not intended to kill any good moods or to be interpreted as a pity party. Parental discretion is advised. Just letting a little of this crap go.
Our special today is the Rambling and rambling with a side of ramble.
I feel emotionally ambivalent. I am starting to wonder if I will live out my existence in this completely unbalanced state of mind. If I could have one thing right now it would be to knowingly speak the words "Everything is going to be ok." and be certain that it would be a true statement.
I guess I play a mean lead role as the optimistic happy face but alas, I asseverate. I am a sham. The truth comes out about Kelly when she learns that she is not what she thought she was or what she always thought that she would be. I will, as a treat for you, refrain from here on out from referring to myself in the third person. I am not especially happy right now. I do not know why it seems like this is such a horrible thing to admit but I still don't like doing it. I have realized lately that it is ok and good to a certain degree to admit to myself that sometimes the way I feel about certain things are not the way I would like to feel about them. I cannot help the way I feel. I cannot make things be something that they are not. I also do not have a time machine that enables me to go back and fix the things that I myself have had a part in messing up. I do not know why my brain does not want to accept the fact that I cannot control everything. I know some things are just not up to me, yet a part of me is invariably trying to twist the less appealing aspects of the truth into somethng that I can navigate.
I ask myself (and others at times)...am I messed up? I always thought that I was pretty level headed and lately I feel like everything is freaking out all around me. Somehow I know I will figure things out I just wish it would be sooner than later. I am sure I will find my way, but the journey there is just so taxing. Such is life, I suppose
Hold on...what's that sound? Oops, gotta go, I hear the waaaahhhmbulance pulling up outside. Haha. The sense of humor still remains...I got that going for me, eh?
Be good to yourself.
xxoo